Raising a Farmer

This past Thursday was the Upsala FFA Petting Zoo.  They had invited 304 to come to the petting zoo which is during the school day.  This year we took 304 and a calf named C.G. (Curious George, Everett named her because she is “curious”)  304 was the star of the petting zoo last year and she again was the star this year.  Kids are able to get a real personal feel of a dairy cow.  We bring a bucket full of brushes all shapes and sizes.  Kids pick out a brush and are able to stand right next to her and brush her.  304 is pampered and babied by everyone all day, she loves it!  I pulled Everett out of school to go with and help with 304 and C.G..  During the day, one of his fellow 4Hers who was attending said, “Everett you got to skip school!?”  I thought about that.  No, Everett didn’t skip school, for this day he was the teacher.  When we have taken 304 in the past I remind Everett why we take 304,  “It is important for us to take 304 and encourage other kids to pet her.  It is important because some kids have never seen a cow before.”

This time, the night before as we were gathering all the brushes he told me first why we take 304 and how the day was going to go.  During the day I watched Everett and realized my little boy is growing up before my eyes.  Where encouraging words I would need to give him he now goes off on his own.  Where I would need to be side by side him he is now able to handle a calf on his own.  Where I use to answer questions about 304, Everett is the first to talk about her.  When morning chores didn’t go smoothly, we were late getting to the petting zoo, thoughts of “why do I do this” run through my mind.  Everett taught me during the petting zoo, “Yes this is important.  This is why we do this.  This is important.”  When kids would enter the building he would jump into the pen with the calf and usher her to the edge so kids and adults could pet her.  He did this on his own.  I didn’t need to be reminded why we were there.  He is the best agvocate I know.

 

Do you remember the first flower anyone ever gave you?  Do you remember the first flower you ever gave someone?  Do you remember who it was to?  Were they sad flowers or happy flowers?  Were they for a special occasion or “just because” flowers?  Were they delivered to your work, maybe for a birthday?  Maybe it was from a boyfriend in high school.  Flowers on a first date maybe?  I remember certain flowers I have received over the years.  Flowers Nate carefully picked for me along the road ditch he gave me on our second date.  I remember those.  A rose my dad gave me “just because.”  When I worked off the farm, the excitement I would feel when flowers would be delivered to my work.  That was one of the first things I said when I was home full time, “I’m never going to be surprised with flowers again.”  The feeling of being loved a simple bouquet of flowers gives you is pretty amazing.

What are the first flowers of spring?  Tulips, daffodils and dandelions.  Dandelions.  This week, dandelions popped up along the drive way.  They are everywhere.  Some make look at dandelions as a pesky weed but to a child it is a magical flower.  Bouquets and bouquets are picked and given to the ones special to them.  Do you remember your teachers all throughout elementary always having a bouquet of dandelions.  Those yellow flowers proudly displayed in a Styrofoam cup on their desk freshly picked everyday till the end of school?   Mine did.  Being able to pick and pick endless flowers at recess.  Carefully wrapping your precious flowers in a damp paper towel to survive the bus ride home to give to someone special.  This week as Everett walked up the driveway after school he picked me a bouquet of dandelions.  A bouquet of love not weeds.  A bouquet of dandelions that made my day.    

Usually it doesn’t bother me when it is time to sell bull calves.  I am the one who is asking when we should take them to auction.  We typically sell them between 1-3 weeks old.  Depending  on how many we have to sell and if we have the room for them.  We don’t raise our bull calves out because we don’t have the room for them and our main focus is our heifer calves.  We have talked about finishing bull calves out to generate more income but the way our farm is setup it would take away space from the dairy.  Healthy and strong heifer calves make healthy and strong heifers that will one day be our milking cows.  Selling bull calves young is just part of our farm.

Last week when I took six bull calves to the auction, a ping hit my gut when I unloaded them off the trailer.  It took me by surprise, it must be something else.  I was sad to see them go.  The whole way home I kept thinking about them.  That night during milking all I could think about was those six bull calves.  I know bull calves main purpose is to be finished out for beef.  We will finish out one for ourselves to feed our family.  For some reason I couldn’t stop thinking about them calves.  When it was time to feed calves I should have been relived of having to feed six less calves but I wasn’t.  I am not sure what caused me to be sad to see them go.  Maybe the stress of low milk prices.  Maybe the feelings of it never being enough.  The feelings of how can we get through this.  Where can we cut expenses even more.  Maybe it was the fact the our balance sheet would give any normal American family an anxiety induced heart attack.  I don’t think it was one particular one but I was sad to see those bull calves go this time around.

Evening chores didn’t go great.  New cows trying to figure out a new milking routine is stressful on cows and people.  We are trying to figure out how to switch cows out of a third location effectively and quickly.  Right now we are milking in a tiestall barn, switching out cows in a free-stall barn into the tiestall barn and now moving milking cows across our driveway from a bed pack to the tiestall barn to be milked.  Lots of moving parts and lots of parts to work out the kinks so everything runs smoothly.  There are times when the question of “Why?”  Just a simple. “Why?”  runs across your mind.  Even more times now with low milk prices.  When pennies keep getting thinner and budgets can’t get any tighter.  “Why?”  When feelings of the farm eating you alive, the feeling of the farm always coming first frustrate you and when will it ever end.  When way past bedtime has come and gone.  Little things happen to make you see what “the why” is.

A week ago a baby girl calf was born.  She was about half the size of  a new born calf should be.  We were worried about her if she would make it or not because she was so small and frail.  She started to eat and everyday she was getting stronger and stronger.  Now she is a aggressive, spunky calf.  Everything you want in a calf.

Tonight way past bedtime as Everett and I were headed to the house we detoured past the calving shed to check on the cows.  I kept telling myself Everett needs to get to bed.  Even while I was feeding calves I was telling myself this.  “Everett lets walk over the the calf shed real quick.”  It never is “real quick” on a dairy farm.  Sure enough there was a new baby.  A new healthy baby.  A new momma licking her baby.  Everett will be tired tomorrow morning but he was able to see another farm miracle.  So my “why” was answered tonight.  All I needed to do was look.  Open my eyes and just see why we do what we do.

After 11 years I might be able to finally talk “farmer Nate sign language.”  Every farmer has some form of farm sign language.  Every family has their own family language.  Certain words have different meanings.  I remember one time when I was spending the night at a friend’s house and they were talking about where the “box” was.  Here I am looking for a square box when in fact it was the remote for the T.V.  Many many times Nate will raise an eye brow.  Shrug a shoulder.  Drive by in the skid loader and lift one finger.  By doing these small gestures so subtle you would miss if you blinked I am supposed to know what he means.  In any scenario I am supposed to know exactly what he is meaning.  I am supposed to know it means shut the gate and take the tractor around.  I am supposed to know he needs help.  I am supposed to know there is a new baby calf.  I am supposed to know he talked to so and so.  I am sure you can guess lots of miscommunication happens.  Lots and lots of, “Just tell me.!”  “I didn’t know what you meant!”  Lots of frustration through the years.

A couple weeks ago we had a heifer calf.  When heifers have their first calf sometimes they come in the barn really easily.  One time she will stand perfectly the next time she is confused again. Sometimes it takes two people to milk her.  One to stand next to her and keep her calm while the other puts the milker on.  Nathan and I were milking, it was the new heifer’s turn to get milked.  I walked past Nate and raised my finger towards the new heifer.  We didn’t say a single word.  We both new what the other was talking about and what needed to be done.  Nate stood next to the new momma and I put the milker on.  Instantly I realized I used “farm sign language” and Nate knew exactly what I was talking about!      

I look at Everett and I think, “Stay this age forever.” but then I think. I thought this every year for the last 6 years. How much I would have missed out on if he would have stayed four forever. Over the weekend Everett found a lawn mower. “An old time” lawn mower as he calls it. A lawn mower tucked away collecting leaves in between two of our old white sheds. Sheds that have stood proud for decades. Sheds that were once brand new so long ago. He first brought a piece of wood into the house and explained to me how it came off of his lawn mower and his lawn mower was now digging into the grass. At first I didn’t really know what he was talking about. The piece of wood is on display on my bay window by the kitchen table. I noticed it there and thought, “Really? Really Everett? Why would you need to keep a piece of wood in the house?” Honestly there are times where I don’t really “listen” to everything Everett tells me. He was telling me about his “old time lawn mower”, to Everett this could be a stick that he whacks at the grass with. It could be a coffee can he found and collects grass clippings in. It could be anything. When he got off the bus he ran and put his backpack in the house and went right back outside. He was outside until it was time to go to religion class. He was so proud he was able to mow the lawn with his “old time” lawn mower. Now I just have to figure out how to put the piece of wood back on the “old time” lawn mower.

Spring is here, with spring comes field work.  Lots and lots of field work.  Manure needs to be hauled, fields need to be worked preparation of planting and then planting.  Cows need to be milked morning and night.  Long days and late nights.  Big people get tired and crabby where little people have meltdowns and tears flow.  Along the way I have found out what works for us and what are must haves.  Must haves to help make a chaotic time a little easier.  I have about 5 top must haves with kids in the tractors.  I don’t think I have ever gotten in a tractor without this list when little people are riding with

1.   Snack Bag/Goody bag.  This is a number one.  This is a must!  Little people get hungry.  When they get hungry they get crabby.  In the spring and fall I will buy “special” snacks.  Special snacks are snacks that are handy in the tractor and ones your kids maybe don’t get all the time.  Ones that are individual wrapped or divide into zippy bags are my go to.  Some of our favorites are:  Cheese sticks, individual packaged trail mix, whole box of teddy grahams, smaller size of Gatorade, bite size candy bars (M&M’s), carrot sticks (any veggie), fruit snacks, juice boxes, granola bars, their very own water bottle.  You know your kids, anything that will make them think it is a big deal.

 

2.  Books.

 Books are our life line on the farm.  We have books in every tractor and in both of our trucks.  I designate some books “outside” books.  Everett also takes magazines in the tractors.  Ranger Rick, JR is a favorite.  When they are “outside” books they only belong in the tractor or in the barn.  Clipboards with  blank paper or a notebook and a zippy bag full of anything that writes are a must as kids get older.

3.  Talk, LISTEN & Sing songs.

The video is of 2013.  When you are in a tractor with someone you can learn a lot about them.  I love spending time with Everett in the tractor.  He tells me stories, he talks to me.  All I need to do is listen.  We talk about what we see in the fields.  Where do animals live?  Who lives underground?  We sing songs.  Songs he is learning at school or songs on the radio.

4.  Take a break.  

Sometimes you just need to stretch your legs.  Sometimes there is an eagle nest you just need to get a closer look.  It is ok to stop, run around the field for 5 minutes and then get back to work.

5.  A comfy place to take a nap.

When you are little you are going to take a nap in the tractor.  The rumble of the tractor will lull you to sleep.  Nate made a bracket for both tractors where Vivian’s barn car seat locks into.  It is awesome!  Vivian is secure and safe.  I also will take a pillow with so Everett can make a nest.

I wish everyone a happy and safe 2016 planting season.

April showers bring May Flowers.  This weekend marks the beginning of the wedding season for us.  When we think of showers we think of dark, cloudy dreary days.  Bridal showers are so far from that.  This weekend we will be able to shower Jenna with so much love.  I think of my own wedding season and how it felt to be loved by your tribe of women.  Your tribe who held you as a baby.  Your tribe who laughed with you.  Your tribe of women who helped nurture you and give you strength when you didn’t even know they were doing it.  Your tribe of best friends.  Your tribe of cousins.  What a special time that is preparing for your wedding day.  This weekend we will be able to shower Jenna with lots of love.  How can this sweet little girl with always a smile on her face be getting married?  How can that be?  When did this little girl who I was always so happy to see making her way through the sea of my fellow high schoolers as she was closely following her fellow elementary classmates at school to lunch become this extraordinary lady.  Jenna has showered me with lots of love through out the years.  I am so excited to be able to shower Jenna with lots of extra love during this special time for her and Andrew as their love shines.  The time where love is just love.  Where worries of what life will disappoint you with don’t exist because you are marrying the one you love.  

I had every intention to write about our dog Eva today but as I was going through pictures to pick out my favorite pictures of her to write about how wonderful she is.  I found myself looking and remembering about all the other pictures.  The “in between pictures”.  We all have the pictures where everyone is dressed in their best.  Everyone is clean.  Milestone pictures; wedding, birthdays, vacations, buying a new home, holidays.  The pictures we take before everyone gets grubby and dirty.  The pictures where everyone was dressed so perfectly but no one wanted to look at the camera at the same time.  There are the pictures where we are going to “power through getting our family picture with everyone kicking and screaming”.  Then there are the social media pictures, the ones that show our “best” selves.  We can edit, crop and create a feeling in our pictures.  Then the pictures that just happen, the ones we can’t explain and they are our favorites.

As I was going through my pictures I began to remember how I had felt during certain seasons of my life.  When we were first married, when we moved onto the farm, when we bought the farm, when Nate was struggling with drinking.  The in between pictures are where we live our lives.  The raw unedited version. When reality is that things aren’t perfect.  Life is our own version of perfect.  We all want our best pictures for all to see  but the ones that really make us smile are the pictures just for ourselves.  The ones that make us tell the story of “remember when,  That was the summer of, the next year blank happened.”  Those are the in between pictures the ones that tell the story we are living.  Our very own, Once upon a time.  With milk prices in the tank we need all the in between pictures we can get.  The pictures that #makeussmile.  The pictures to remind us it will get better.  Maybe not the way we thought but life keeps getting better.  Life has lots of wonderful moments to fill the in between.           

With both Everett and Vivian, Nathan and I had nicknames for our children to be while I was pregnant.  Everett was “Batman” and Vivian was “Hurricane”.  Vivian has proven her name.  Vivian has taken us by storm from the beginning.  When I found out I was pregnant with “Hurricane” I was still trying to wrap my head around a second miscarriage.  I was accepting the close possibility Everett would be an only child.  I would be the mother of one.  I was trying and preparing myself to not let it define me as a woman but more importantly as a mom to my little boy.  Surprise!  We didn’t say anything because I was afraid and maybe because I was in denial a little bit that I was in fact pregnant.  From the very beginning Vivian has been a mover.  She is constantly on the go now.  She constantly walks around never stopping.  When she was in my tummy she would kick and turn and move to the point I would be in tears of pain from her kicking me.  Crying to Nate,  “Why does our baby hate me so much?”  My blood pressure skyrocketed, what was supposed to be a routine doctor visit to get a game plan for delivery and make sure baby is continuing to grow because of my blood pressure and gestation diabetes (insulin dependent) turned into, “We are going to take the baby?  We need to induce, now.”  Vivian came 5 weeks early, she proved to be ever feisty.  Refusing and holding her own to go to the NICU at first.  Making sure she was holding up to her name, Hurricane.  Nurses would ask when test results would come back when she was first born, “Are you sure we are testing the right baby?”  Now everywhere she goes she leaves a mass of destruction behind her.  Everything is out.  Books, toys, clothes anything she can get her hands on she leaves a trail.  She needs to discover, see, touch and feel.

Vivian is our double rainbow after a thunderstorm.  She shows us the compassion her big brother has always had.  Everett is so protective of her.  As Everett and I watched a video of Vivian he said to me,  “Mom you know what I like the best about Vivian?  Everything she is awesome.”  He laughs with her, reads her books and spoils her.  (Yes, both Nate and Everett spoil her equally)  She completes our family.  I know she will give me sleepless nights.  She will make me cry from joy to frustration probably in the same day.  I know she will fight with me and disagree on probably everything I say.  I know she will break my heart but she will make my heart sing with joy.  She gives me fear.  Some real and some irrational.  Fear losing my own mom that she will lose her mom.  Every time I look at Vivian and see the “Hurricane” she leaves in her wake I smile.  Oh, my sweet Viv through it all the FUN we will have.